Reinventing the Family

A hallmark of American society for the past century has been the atomization of family life as Americans first embraced the nuclear family of mom, dad and kids in place of multi-generational households and then busted up the nuclear family through divorce. In a recent column published in the Richmond Times-Dispatch, Jim Bacon opined that the phenomenon of shrinking household size appears to be reversing itself. Key quotes:

There are many ... reasons to believe that households will grow larger, such as the prolonged adolescence of Gen Y. Whether young people simply refuse to grow up (the premise of the movie, "Failure to Launch,") or they're so saddled by student loans and so stymied by the high cost of housing, many are deciding that living in their old room with the twin beds and study desk isn't a bad alternative to poverty.

Meanwhile, members of the Silent Generation are resisting the idea of being shunted into impersonal nursing homes. Seniors want to stay connected with family and friends -- and an increasing number of middle-aged families are accommodating their parents. Subdivision builders report a spike in demand for granny flats and other detached dwelling units for the grandparents. Baby Boomers are even more repelled than their elders by the prospect of living in "old folks homes." After letting their adult Gen Y children back into their homes, they may well expect the Gen Ys to return the favor some day.

To those dynamics add a nascent trend toward quasi-families, as noted last year on this blog, in which divorced and/or widowed Boomer women live together, share expenses and form committed friendships. We don't know if anyone has coined a name for such a household -- there's a Ph.D. dissertation for a budding sociologist -- but one is needed.

Since the publication of "Reinventing the Family," we came across an article written by ABC News. From 1990 to 2000, the network reported, homes in which three or more generations live together grew more than 38 percent. As lifespans lengthen and four- and five-generation families become more common, an increasing number of those family members will likely choose to live together. Also driving that trend, omitted in our column, is the increasing number of immigrant families from cultures where multigenerational living is the norm.

(Photo credit: ABC News.)

Grandma Robinson's Moving In

It's not often that the Boomer Project finds itself reading People Magazine's Celebrity Baby Blog, but we intrepidly follow new Boomer-related gossip wherever it takes us. In this case, our antennae are all aquiver over the news that Marian Robinson, the 71-year-old mother of Michelle Obama, will leave her home in Chicago to move into the White House with the first family.

As reported by the Mail Online among other places, Robinson was an integral part of the Obama campaign: babysitter for 10-year-old Malia and seven-year-old Sasha while mom and dad jetted around the country. Apparently, the Obamas don't expect life to get any easier when mom and dad take up the duties of president and first lady. Michelle reportedly "begged" her mother to move in and help with the kids.

This story is more significant than an Obama-besotted media looking for another human interest story. The media is heralding the upcoming Obama administration as a "new Camelot," a second coming of the reign (er, administration) of Jackie and JFK. We anticipate lavish and laudatory coverage of the couple's familial arrangements -- arrangements that include the heart-warming story line of a live-in grandmother helping take care of the kids. This arrangement will draw attention to, and legitimize, the growing phenomenon of three generations living together.

While very few Americans live the pressure-filled lives that awaits the Obamas, two-career couples with children do have their hands full. Enlarging the family to include vital and active 70-year-old grandparents often makes sense. An extended family puts the caretaking of the munchkins in the hands of someone who can be totally trusted. It also gives grandparents an added sense of purpose, and it builds strong family bonds.

With the first family providing positive visibility for the idea of live-in grandparents, we expect the practice to take off. Baby Boomers have paved the way for revival of the "extended family" by letting adult children live in their old rooms (See "Boomer Sociology and Housing Demand") and, increasingly, taking ailing parents into the home. The Obamas are just taking the idea one step further by incorporating an active parent into the household.

As the U.S. Boomers enter a new age of frugality, cutting spending and reducing indebtedness in preparation for the "retirement" phase of their lives, sharing housing costs with extended family members makes economic sense as well. We'll keep our eyes peeled for other examples of the ever-morphing family structure.

(Photo credit of Granny Robinson with Malia: my.barack.obama.com.)

More than Roommates, Less than Lovers

Cohabitation has gone mainstream, and baby boomers, whose coming of age coincided with the sexual revolution and the rise of divorce, played a large role in legitimizing a practice once known as “living in sin.” According to U.S. Census data, the number of couples living together increased from 439,000 to 5,500,000 over the four decades between 1960 and 2000. It’s too early to say for sure, but Boomers may be in the vanguard of re-defining the family once again by putting a new spin on the term “roommates.”

GenXers and Millennials cohabit easily -- women, men, straights, gays, sometimes entangled romantically, often not. In most cases, young people who choose to live together fall into one of two categories: they’re couples, or they’re friends. Often, finance is a major consideration – young people lack buying power, so they pitch in together to rent a nicer apartment or to purchase a house. Thus, Time magazine popularizes a label for a new phenomenon: "co-hos" -- or communal homeowners. The non-sexual, roommate-style relationships are rarely stable or lasting, however. Invariably, someone moves in with a girl (boy) friend, moves to San Francisco, or gets in a fight over the Foosball table. Whatever.

But we read a story recently in the Richmond Times-Dispatch of two Boomer women – one a 68-year-old widow and the other a 52-year-old divorce – who pitched in to buy a house. Sharing the financial burden was one motive. So, too, was the desire for stable, long-term companionship.

Writes reporter Bill Lohman: Susan Grady and Sharon McAbee “represent what could become a trend – friends co-owning houses – for baby boomers, who, because of scattered family and because of their sheer numbers, might need to create their own support systems as they grow older."

At the Boomer Project, we expect this phenomenon to take off, especially among the distaff side of side of the generation. Nearly one third of all Boomers -- some 25 million -- are spouseless. (Twelve percent never married, about twice the percentage of the previous generation; 16 percent are divorced or separated, and 4 percent are widowed.)

As periodically remarked upon in news magazines, women over 40 have a far harder time finding mates than men. Boomer males – those who don’t live in cardboard houses or under the highway overpass – remarry at higher rates. It’s simple mathematics: Men die sooner, meaning less competition for available females. It is the sad fate of many females – sad at least to those who don’t subscribe to the notion that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle – to find themselves spouseless and childless.

While convention dictates that widows and divorcees spend lonely lives in their own homes, living for the day their children come to visit, Boomer women have other ideas. As Lohmann tells the story, Susan Grady and Sharon McAbee were long-time friends, and they commiserated week after week on the phone how lonely they were. "Finally, we said, 'We're so stupid,'" Grady recalled. They decided to stop living alone and to buy a house together.

The duo now share three dogs and a one-eyed cat, split the cooking and other household chores, and share holidays with extended family. Said Gray: “It’s nice to have someone to cook for. … It’s just like getting married."

It’s not marriage, but the women are more than roommates. We don't know if there's even a name yet for the relationship between Susan Grady and Sharon McAbee. But we're betting that enough Baby Boomers will be living this way that someone will coin a term before long.

Update: This trend is bigger than I realized. Alison, a blogger at Women Bloom, was a widow for 11 years when she moved in with a friend. There have been "some privcy things to adjust to," she told us in a comment on this post, "but I'm sold on the idea." Allison's blog points to a website, CoAbode, a matchmaking service for single mothers who want to share expenses and support. An online matchmaker for widows and divorces can't be far behind.